Open Mic - Rohit Pathak & Aaarti Pathak

Sometimes, life throws us into deep waters, not to drown us, but to show us how fiercely we can swim. Hello and welcome to Open Mic, a podcast series by Aditya Birla Group's Soundbox Initiative. I am Madhu Vijayan, your host for today. In this episode, we bring you the powerful story of Aarti, a woman who stared, death in the face, and said, "Not today." Aarti Patak is a bilingual poet, writer, and editor. She has compiled and edited the book "Chicken Soup" for the Indian Soul Teen Talk Growing Up series, and contributed to numerous magazines and books. We are here to talk to her about her journey, raw, spiritual, deep, personal, which also has been captured in her debut book, triple negative. Diagnosed with cancer, Arthi's world changed overnight, but instead of giving up, she dug deep into her spirit, her unshakable belief that healing was possible. She fought, she healed, and today she stands not just as a survivor, but as a luminous reminder of what it means to truly live. Thank you, Arthi, for joining us. Thank you, Rohit. Rohit, as you know, as the CEO of the Birla Copper Business and Aarti's soulmate. Thank you again for joining us. Thank you. Thank you. A pleasure. Let's begin at the beginning. Aarti, take us back to the moment you heard the diagnosis. Not the medical part, but what did it do to your inner world? Did everything pause, shift? In the days that followed, what helped you gather yourself to begin facing this road ahead. So I didn't hear the diagnosis. I'll tell you how that unfolded. I had lost my mother very suddenly to COVID and a few hours later I found a lump myself and for some reason I knew this is cancer. I knew I don't have to wait to meet a doctor. Rohit told me let the diagnosis come, we'll go to the doctor and all that but I knew what it is. So, but I was completely utterly consumed by the grief of losing mama and as strange as it may sound the grief protected me from even thinking about the cancer diagnosis. I was very involved in the last rites and most of all the part the shock of losing her and the grief. So, at that time I was very numb about the diagnosis part because it was all about the grief. And what helped me, that's a long answer and I had to write the book for that, but the few things which helped me write at the beginning, first was the knowledge that I knew Rohit is there with me, to Hoga we'll handle it together. And in time we came to know it's early stage cancer and come what made knowing, adding the words early stage before cancer is always great news. And I somehow, the intuition which told me that it's cancer, also told me that I'll be out of it. I had some faith and I feel that this message was given to me by God and it was this strength that carried me forward. I want to pause on the word triple negative. It is one of those most aggressive and unpredictable form of breast cancer. When you first heard of the word triple negative, did you immediately understand what it meant? Or did the seriousness sink in gradually and as you began to learn more about the diagnosis? I understood. Unfortunately, I understood. Because as soon as I felt I have cancer, I joined a lot of online cancer support groups. And one group, when I logged into Facebook one day, that one post in one cancer support group showed up. And I saw in that it was an American -based group, so a lot of people were obviously Americans. It was a very beautiful fairy tale, final right ceremony of an American girl. She was in fairytale clothes, wearing something like a Cinderella costume and she had the most beautiful hers. Her body was being taken. And I could see because there's you can see through the glass and I saw this young 25 year old beautiful girl. It didn't look like she had anything. It actually looked like she's just sleeping. And I said what happened to her? And I came to know it's triple negative breast cancer, TNBC. So That's where I came to know about this kind of cancer and that it's really aggressive. And people who doctors, if somebody in their own family is suspecting breast cancer, they actually pray, "If it has to be cancer, please let it not be triple negative." So I kind of knew all that and at the doctor's clinic, when he used the word triple negative. My head began to ring. I couldn't hear anything after that. I was pretty struck at that time and I think after some time I even broke down. We all know chemo and radiation is a process that is really physically brutal. What was the emotional rhythm like for you? What did you remember about the phase of the journey and how did you navigate the physical and emotional Okay, I'll tell you, I'll tell you how it was then and the imprint that I'm carrying today. At that time it was horrible. So of course it destroys the body, it's an assault in more ways than one. The diversity of the kinds of physical pains that chemotherapy can bring to you and add, and I had two surgeries, So, added to those surgeries from which I hadn't yet recovered.

It doesn't matter how strong you are, when the physical pain is so hard, it breaks you. So that was happening to the body and in my mind and head, though I was strong, feeling strong and I felt that I, in spite of the situation, I had things in control, But there definitely was a darkness looming and increasingly it was winning So I would feel that I'm falling in this dark pit and Something evil and sinister is also swirling around me and coming right into my face and taunting me and Showing me visions of the people. I love the family my friends everybody Moving on without me and taunting me with The knowledge that I already had that the world doesn't stop for anyone. And then it would give me a final slap and taunt me and say, "Aren't you carrying on without your mother?" So sometimes the darkness would try to wreck my headspace and sometimes the physical angst of the treatment and sometimes they would join hands and try to attack me. So it was a tricky time but I had a lot of support, of course, Rohit, family, my faith. And that time was cut, the time was cut. But the imprint that I'm getting today is actually two very special things. I'm very peaceful now. And my memory of that time, the two main things would be first. I don't remember any other time of my life where I have felt so surrounded by the energy of love and blessings that no one can take away from me. I don't feel the pain anymore. I don't, of course, it's a little bit, I don't carry that weight with me anymore. I just remember Rohit was always with me. He would hold my hand and take me for the keema sessions as though they are dates. So, a bit of romance also is a part of my memory, in fact a strong part of my memory. And the other thing which is really dominant in my memory and imprint of that time is that the closeness I felt to God then, I have, I miss it now, now I'm so busy in regular life and the routine, but I felt that I'm right next to at the feet of God And perhaps that took me through that time. I might have had tears in my eyes and because I'm still human and the pain gets too much. But in my heart and mind, I knew I'm protected by God and they will take me forward. You've written so vividly about Rohit's presence through it all. Quiet, steady and deeply present. Rohit, when this journey began for you, how did you find your way through it all? So look, you know, it was tough, but to me, you know, when you are in the situation, you know, then the fear is a bit less because you're already in it, right? You are not fearing that this should not happen. So I think the first focus for me was how do we ensure that we get the best treatment? And I think that initial phases of figuring out what the best treatment was because you know doctors have differing views get to all sorts of doctors so I think we were lucky that we got a very good experienced doctor but getting the right treatment to ensure that this is cured and taken out fully and with no imprints left was sort of the main focus the second one was you know ensuring the family feels that we'll get through this, right? And especially the children, they were young, they were 11 and 13, I think. So it was a very impressionable age for them on, you know, in their life. So I think ensuring that at home, we still enjoyed and had our fun moments and had our, you know, family time was probably the second area. These were the two focus areas. I won't say that, You know dark thoughts or bad thoughts didn't come you always would wonder but I think I'd figured out How to stay away and get back into Into normalcy I Think pressure did build up. I won't you know, I think something that Probably I did bottle up a lot of emotions during that time But I think overall, you know, like Arthi said initially. I've always believed she's got a very strong intuition. Just as an intuition of this being cancer was true, she was also equally sure that she'll get out of this and that, I think that conviction in her was sort of bit of my lifeline through it all, that she believes it, she generally believes it, I think it'll come through and I just rode on intuition of us. And Arti, did this period reveal a part of your relationship or Rohit himself that you hadn't quite clearly seen in the past? No, no, Rohit was 100 % revealed to me the day I met him. But I was very happy to know that both of us were aligned on the one thing that regardless of what happens in life, we're not going to get bitter because that energy is not a very happy energy to be around. So I was happy about that and so the part of our relationship that was revealed to me was that now shit has really hit the ceiling. But we're okay, we are dealing with it. Now one of the most beautiful moments in the book is when Rohit refers to your 16 chemo sessions as 16 dates. That reframe poetic almost mischievous brings so much light in a darker space doesn't it? When he first said that how did it strike you and did it change the way you experience those sessions even some even in a very small way? I loved it when he said it I felt that we're just we've just met and we were just fallen in love and we were just freshly in love and it changed the whole energy it changed everything for me so of course Akeemovar is not a happy place, people sometimes cry, dark thoughts are always there, nurses and doctors are always there and all these horrible, colorful chemo medicines, you can see them all around. Sometimes people screamed in the chemo what I cried twice myself. So that was then. But if you asked me how was the chemo sessions for you, the lasting memory which I'm carrying is that I feel that I was in this beautiful paradise with the love of my life, and we spent four, five hours together, and no one can take that away from us. - Beautiful. So at what point did you, the idea of turning this experience into book begin now, was it a way to process your trauma or something that came later with distance? - So I've been writing now for 17, 18 years, And a lot of, most of my writing is non -fiction, personal, memoirs, kind of memoirs. And sometimes I've written about things which had given me pain, but once the article was out of my system and published, I would completely forget that episode. And that taught me that writing is cathartic. So when all this was going on, I couldn't make sense of it, that why within hours would I get too terrible news? So when I was struck by these two things, I was appearing calm from outside, but within I was trembling. And I needed something to make sense of the whole thing. And I started journaling. It wasn't detailed and poetic like how the book is now come out. At that time it was raw. I'm feeling this and I just wrote down what I felt. So that part, I was doing for making sense of life to myself, but the idea of the book came from elsewhere. Somewhere during my treatment, my best friend called me up. She is also a cancer survivor. And my friends would call me up time to time just to get an understanding of what was going on here, to get in my head, to figure out. And I was very honest with them. Whatever I felt, I would tell them. And on that phone call, after listening to me for about 15, 17 minutes, my friend said, "Aarti, if someone had said to me the things you're saying, I wouldn't have suffered my diagnosis the way I did. Please turn your thoughts into a blog or a book or something. This needs to go out. You don't know who you will help. So, once my treatment was over, she had anyway planted the seeds of the book then slowly, slowly I tried to collate all the material and turn it into a book. And you know, Madhu Aarti's, if you read the book, it's obviously the journey is captured, but a lot of this is about the emotions and thoughts in her mind. And then that's what she's very good at articulating it almost as a screenplay in front of you. It's just amazing how you could channelize that energy into something so positive. So Aarti, who are you today? Post the treatment, post the book? Do you feel like you're still piecing yourself back together or something new has taken shape? Are there stories rising you which has nothing to do with your illness? Is there a shift in the kind of writer you are becoming? Shift in the kind of writer, no. In fact, the kind of writer that I was, it's been reaffirmed that I must stay that way. Because initially I'm actually, I used to teach economics in college. And I was writing for fun. And Rohit started liking a lot of the pieces that I wrote. And they were very, just like the book, they were very raw and my feelings out there mostly. being an introvert and more of a quiet person. It wasn't easy for me to always just keep talking about my feelings and putting my vulnerabilities out there. But Rohit said just do it. And I fell back on that and that's how I wrote the book. And now I've seen that when people are reading the book, nobody is reading the book as if they're prying into my life to see what happened in her life that day. Nobody is doing that. When they are opening the book and reading, they are coming and telling me, "I'm reading about my life because they are relating to so much of it." So as a writer, this is my journey that when you write from the heart, then now I see that it's true what Rohit said, then people connect deeper. And it's fine to put the vulnerabilities out there. absolutely. Rohit, after being such a strong person in the story, would you ever want to write a version of yourself or maybe even collaborate on a future story with Aarti? No, no, I think this is Aarti's story, so I'll not even risk going there. I think no one else could have done a better job of putting this out there than Aarti's done. And I think that's the perspective that should stay out there. I think for me, she's captured actually a lot of what I went through or what I would have gone through in that journey itself. And I think that's about as expressive as I get. So I don't think I can ever come close to what she's done. And I think the story should remain the way it is. And I hope we are not writing too many more such stories again. And Aditya, how would you up, you know, is there another book or another chapter in the making? What's next for you? This book and this chapter of my life, I feel is done and dusted. And maybe other books will come, but for now, I just want to enjoy the energy of this book. It's getting me so many blessings from everywhere. Wonderful. And you know, I think this book to me, and as I also hear some of the early feedback, It's connecting with people in very different ways and I think it is something that can help all of us specially at work most of us get into this you know very close space where we don't want to share what's happening in our lives and I think this is a book which can help people open up a little bit. I think it helps at work also if you open up a little bit you know it helps you deal with it better. So problems will keep coming, whether professional or personal. And I think this probably book, it does a better job at helping people navigate those than many of the self -help books that are out there. So I think it's quite, quite nice. And for the next few years, I think at least my focus will be to ensure that this book spreads and goes to people who will benefit from it. To anyone listening today, Arthi, say someone who's just received a diagnosis or someone standing by their loved ones through it, what would you want them to hear from you? I don't like to tell anybody, anything least of all someone who's just been diagnosed, but I'm happy to share the things that helped me. First of all, in today's day and age, we are all thought to be very strong and stand by ourselves. That's not a happy message. We are humans. We are meant to live in a community and be there for one another. So I have made this mistake. I have refused help from everyone because I need to do it by myself. Why? So if you are so lucky as, regardless of being diagnosed even if it's just a regular day but if you are so lucky that you have even one person who is coming ahead with love to help you genuinely cares for you please allow them in please allow them in don't push them away and the second thing I will say is when something bad happens a scary news comes we all respond to it differently we might feel anger, we might feel shock, we might feel fear, fright. I went totally numb. The thing is, all these emotions are fine. Don't judge yourself for any emotion. If you have no emotions, that's also a coping mechanism. If you break down in a hospital corridor like I did, that's also fine. We all go through range of emotions. Let them come and let them go. The only thing which I will say is all these emotions come to warn us about something. If there's a fear, then the fear is there for a reason. If we are angry, then we are angry because something is not right. So they are just alerting us about something else. We should start addressing those things. This way the fear, this way the emotion is guiding us ahead. I had a lot of feelings also, but they guided me as opposed to all those emotions ruling over me and me operating from a position of fear, anger, disbelief or trauma. So it's not easy but control the emotion, don't let the emotion control you because it will help you in the long run. And my last two points are overlapping. The first point is what I told myself that none of us are permanent residents here. We all have to go one day. So let's just ease out and take life a little lightly, regardless of whatever is happening. And two, truly nothing is in our hands. But what is in our hands? We will do a hundred percent. We will understand our situation properly from our doctor. We will eat his brains, but we will understand what has happened into us and what is a treatment plan. We will bless the treatment even if it's chemotherapy that broke me. I bless the treatment. I said yes fine thank you so much. Whatever yoga, Ayurveda, whatever we can do we will do and we will tell God we will put our best fight and after that we will tell God, "Menejo karna tha me ne kia. I have done what I had to do. Rest I'm surrendering to you, you take care of me. Now, whether you make me live or you call me back, it is up to you, not my problem. When somebody gets cancer, it's not just the person, the entire family or the pack goes through the whole thing. What would your message be, either of you all can take the questions to the family members or people who are close by, because they go through a range of emotions as well. How would, What is a gophing mechanism for people who are suffering or going along with them, what would you have to tell them? I think Aarti in my view answered it quite beautifully that once you get the news, you know, you can't deny it. I think you have to focus on what is the best possible treatment to go for. cancer is something which if caught early can be treated and treated quite well. It can be harsh on the body but can be treated. So I think don't delay your treatment and go through the modern medicine. In this is quite advanced now so you can, you have a fairly good chance. So I think get that chance and take it on. Second, I And I think, take whatever help you get from people there. I feel people are always around to support you. We sometimes become very defensive on taking that help and support. So we open, take different advice. All these things we tried, it wasn't that we were into Ayurveda and others before that. Someone with a genuine intention tension came and said, okay, but didn't try this. And we said, oh, it makes sense. We tried it, yoga, each of these things we discovered during this journey, which has now become a part of our lives now. But I think it all came in, and we were open to taking that help. So what helps you, you don't know. So when that help comes to you, take it. - That's something. - I think, I don't know what I should tell family members because it's harder on them, I feel. I'll just tell them, "Keep the faith. Keep the faith and do your best and then surrender to God." It's a very liberating feeling. That is why the name of my book is also triple negative, a tale of love, faith and surrender, love because that was the primary emotion that gave me strength. Faith, I said, "Whatever happens will happen because I believe in Devi Ma. I pray to her." So I said I am at Devi Ma's feet what she can do no wrong. So regardless what happens to this body, this Sharira, she is looking after me since lifetimes and she will look after me for lifetimes ahead. So I had that faith and I will do my best. I will not say ma will cure me so I will not go to the hospital. No, I will do every single thing needed for my mental health, physical health, spiritual health and then I will surrender. I have done humanly what was possible. So I guess for the family members also they must say that we will protect our family member We will do what we can do and then it's it's it's God's it's how we cannot do anything about that So we must be aware of that And the word surrender is used in that light that it is not that you don't do anything It is that you do whatever is there but like 

The known Surrendered the outcome. That is not in your control. You can only control what you do Beautiful. I couldn't have thanked you more for letting me in so much personally, you know it It's been liberating to hear you guys talk and I'm so very thankful. You are a superwoman. Thank you Aarti's story reminds us that healing goes beyond physical. It's emotional spiritual and deeply human. Her path wasn't easy, but through fear and uncertainty, she kept showing up with courage, faith and strength. We're so grateful to her for sharing this powerful chapter. May it inspire all of us to listen to our bodies and trust the journey and honor the quiet strength within. Thank you, Arthi. Thank you. Thank you, Arthi. This was Open Mic, brought to you by Aditya Pillar Group's Soundbox Initiative. will be back soon with another special episode. Until then, take good care of yourself and stay happy.